In today’s information age, the amount of data generated by industry has become staggeringly
large. The Aarchon solution: underground storage. Numerous sites have been identified
and developed by Aarchon’s underground specialists. These include caverns, salt domes,
fracture lines, and lava tubes in some of the most remote locations on earth. Sites
typically can store as much as 245 zettaunits of information. Archived data can be
located and retrieved within 24 hours of a request. Therefore, when a producer decides
to re-issue an artist’s work, content is just a phone call or e-mail away. In some
locations, giant sluiceways channel data directly into the storage area, while other
sites may employ forklifts or special handling to get data into its final storage
space. Custom designed data storage tanks provide the ultimate in security and protection
from the elements. Special titanium canisters are used at some of the more hazardous
storage locations - e.g. geothermal vents, underground radium lakes, sulfuric acid
spew tanks. Each site is manned by professionals that monitor for data leakage and
report anomalies to Aarchon scientists and engineers. Small-scale leakage can be
managed by janitorial services. To prevent wholesale data loss, copies are made and
stored at alternate sites in case the unthinkable occurs: critical data mass resulting
in an “e-explosion”. The site pictured here shows a storage chamber before data is
positioned. To preserve the eons of natural geological development, rock formations
will be dismantled and re-assembled in a designated climate controlled room. As the
underground storage facility becomes filled with data, metallic struts are built
around information storage units in order to re-stabilize the earth’s crust.
Offshore operations allow artists, engineers, and producers to achieve true isolation
- both for artistic and legal purposes. In addition to inspirational scenery, offshore
platforms offer artists a chance to leave encumbrances (paternity suits, groupies,
hotel damages, etc.) on the mainland. Access to an offshore facility is provided
by a fleet of luxury shuttle helicopters - an Aarchon artist or associate never has
to wait longer than 15 minutes for a flight. Every site has all the amenities, including
24/7 seafood bar, shark tanks, water park, valet parking, and special massage suites.
During rough weather, recording and production can continue as each site (using special
hydraulics) can lower itself 200 feet beneath the surface. All of Aarchon’s offshore
complexes can stay submerged for up to 14 days and when special submarine supply
runs are available, production can continue under water indefinitely. Submerged platforms
offer views of ocean life through both wall-o-glass viewing ports as well as state-of-the
art video theaters. To protect against piracy on the open seas, spring-loaded traps
and “shock-water” security features surround each facility. Some sites also deploy
computer-controlled mines as an added precaution. As part of Aarchon’s dedication
to the environment, all power for an offshore facility is provided by extracting
oil directly from the seawater.
In a world economy with highly competitive markets, the need for expedient customer
service, product delivery speed, customized content, and localization has never been
greater. The Aarchon substation network addresses these needs and many, many more.
The substation concept is the brainchild of Aarchon “Visionaters” (a group of dedicated
individuals democratically appointed by Aarchon executives to peer into the future
and guide Aarchon’s technology and product in response to foreseen changes in the
artistic landscape). Responding to the future has been part of the Aarchon mission
well into the past. Numerous substations have been built with many more on the drawing
board. Current substation locations can be viewed on the Aarchon World Map. Each
substation is self-contained and is staffed by a crew of substation managers whose
purpose is to ensure smooth and efficient operation of the substation for marketing,
production, and access to product for both artists and consumers. Eventually, Aarchon
substations will be a presence in every nation in the world with one substation available
for every 150 persons. This will provide an Aarchon substation within walking distance
for every person on the earth. This means that any given person will have access
to Aarchon services and products without relying on the burning of fossil fuels -
another way that Aarchon is protecting the environment.
Hardened bunkers allow recording and production to continue even during nuclear holocaust.
Shown here (left) is a bunker hidden beneath a river bed. Bunkers typically are placed
2400 feet below ground level with 200 feet of steel plates over the top of the facility.
Bunkers are divided into “rooms” that vary in size from small studios to large auditorium-sized
recording sound stages. Unlike standard recording studios, these bunkers offer residential
areas for long-term use during natural or man-made disasters. Although the threat
of nuclear winter is not as great as during the Cold War, artists and producers can
develop content in these facilities with confidence, knowing that they will be protected
during such a rare event - or, alternatively, from natural events such as seismic
disturbances, eruptions, solar fireballs, asteroid collisions, or interplanetary
invasion. In addition to creative operations, manufacturing plants (pictured below)
can carry out projects to completion so that as humanity emerges from a mindbending
catastrophe, Aarchon products are ready to distribute. This “only game in
Aarchon is dedicated to delivering as much product to as many people as is absolutely
possible under the laws of physics. This means that any individual that requires
an Aarchon product can expect to have it in hand as soon as they conceive their need
for it, with the only delay being the time it takes for Aarchon to receive payment.
To facilitate this “think and pay” model, a vast system of standard rail lines has
been built, criss-crossing multiple nations and time zones. The major lines of the
Aarchon standard rail system can be seen on the Aarchon World Map. An entire pool
of rail vehicles operates continuously to ensure that any Aarchon product is just
minutes from its destination. Computerized rail scheduling algorithms ensure that
duplication of product availability never occurs and that shortages are easily explained.
Aarchon transport of entertainment materials sets the standard for moving product
to consumers. However, Aarchon has also developed an efficient mechanism for getting
human resources to required destinations: The Aarchon High-Speed Monorail System.
Although this system is in its infancy, the monorail system transports thousands
of recording engineers, mixing specialists, mastering specialists, artists, executives,
and others each day. Monorail trains travel at speeds of over 600 mph using a finely-balanced
electromagnetic coil suspension system that allows passengers to perform job-related
tasking while traveling since the ride is virtually like riding on air. Editing that
latest vocal audio or tweaking the pitch of those pesky guitar tracks for your prima
done lead guitarist can be done between stops in the studio cubicles provided on
board each monorail train. With a minimum of commute time from anywhere in the Aarchon
system, many Aarchon employees use the system to commute from their homes to “where
the action is”.
As with Aarchon substations, design and architecture are based on blending in with
the surroundings. Here, an Aarchon media center is built using “urban blight” theme.
During working hours, the center is a hotbed of activity as mixing, mastering, and
production occur inside the well-ventilated building with no one in the neighborhood
being the wiser. Of course, the hand-painted “Aarchon Records” banner is a dead giveaway.
Other architectural innovations include the unique Undersea Bubble, the Bering Strait
Ice Palace, and the Train Wreck. Artists working in the Train Wreck can also experience
the effects of an antigravity house as water appears to run uphill and captive animals
in the petting zoo are unable to breed. Out on the wide open plains of the Midwest,
Aarchon production sites mimic ancient burial grounds. Artists at Aarchon Niagara
must not forget to wear their ponchos and hoods to avoid getting spray on their clothes
or into their product. Future architectural wonders will include a facility floating
on a lava lake and a studio hanging from a string over the Black Canyon of the Gunnison.
The success of Aarchon Records has allowed it to acquire vast areas of land in order
to preserve it for future generations. This will allow visitors to enjoy the unspoiled
and untamed wilderness until expansion of Aarchon facilities requires its use. Perhaps
the largest of these areas can be found along the U.S.-Canadian border where millions
of hectares of rainforest have been set aside (Aarchon World Map). For 7 months each
year the rainforest is covered by over 230 feet of snow (pictured at left). Far to
the north an additional protected area has become a habitat where alligators and
polar bears live together harmoniously as they respect each others’ niche. Smaller
protected areas not shown on the Aarchon World Map preserve historical and archaeological
sites. One such archaeological site was recently converted from a protected cliff
dwelling to an auditioning studio with an incredible view. Enough space was left
over that a sorting station could be added where defective CDs can be culled from
functional CDs so that they may be recycled into other valuable Aarchon product.
All ancient building materials and artifacts from the site were shipped to an unused
cliff to preserve their ancientness.
town” concept routinely makes Aarchon executives and board members lose control of
their drool. Should horrific events result in the near-extinction of mankind, survivors
protected by the bunkers will be able repopulate the earth and access Aarchon products
all at the same time. Anything produced by artists emerging from these hardened bunkers
will be available immediately to other survivors using the Aarchon substation network.
In the case of such an unspeakable cataclysm, survivors will not envy the dead since
they will be able to occupy their minds and enjoy Aarchon products while re-establishing
humanity as the dominant species on the surface. The fact that bunkers provide the
ultimate in security their secret locations are not displayed on the Aarchon World
Map.
When most people think of shipping, they think of products stored on ships, moving
slowly across the water. Aarchon shipping carries this to an entirely new level.
Moving large quantities of product from one continent to another across the open
sea might take multiple trips. However, the massive scale of Aarchon shipping makes
it possible to haul over three trillion units of product in one overseas trip using
one of many mega-barges (pictured). Each mega-barge is so massive that crews have
formed their own football league since each barge houses a domed stadium for athletic
events of all types. Shown in the picture is a typical barge with four president
heads from Mt. Rushmore superimposed to demonstrate just how big these barges are.
When fully loaded, a barge displaces so much seawater that some low-lying areas of
the world coastlines must be evacuated for the duration of the voyage. Once at sea,
a barge can really perform as the huge ion-powered engines generate enough propulsive
force to denude the entire seabed. Most Aarchon barges do not travel at speeds greater
than 88 mph (except when necessary) since speeds higher than that generate destructive
tsunami-like waves. Another example of Aarchon’s commitment to social responsibility.
As an experiment in transportation technology, Aarchon engineers and developers have
built the Trans-Gulf Causeway (TGC), a single-span monorail track from New Orleans
to southern Florida (pictured). This engineering feat is unprecedented in scope and
ambition. A similar single-span track connects mainland Mexico to Cabo Aarchon on
the southernmost tip of Baja California. By building these as single-span suspended
“bridges”, these marvels protect the underlying ocean since no part of the rail system
ever touches the ground except at the beginning and the end of the span. Both spans
can be seen on the Aarchon World Map. In order to support the arch, the center of
the TGC arches some 7000 feet above the water level. Enough concrete was used for
the land support structures to pave over the entire state of Alaska (if anyone were
inclined to do so). A dedicated communication line keeps passengers and crew in constant
communication with either end of the spans so that valuable time will not be lost
waiting for artistic or business decisions concerning product.
All of Aarchon’s earth-based facilities go well beyond those of the competition,
but Aarchon’s Visionaters have moved beyond the boundaries of earth-based facilities
and into the great void of outer space. Not only does Aarchon support numerous orbiting
satellites (pictured top right)for transferring data and product, but a unique orbiting
Aarchon city provides artists and personnel with an experience of a lifetime (pictured
left). The flight path across the continental U.S. Is shown on the Aarchon World
Map. This orbiting platform houses a miniature recording and performance based “city”
with a culture and a full complement of self-contained facilities unrivalled in all
of the music industry. Row after row of fully-equipped audio cubicles, upload and
download stations, practice facilities, a music university, video development suites,
an auditorium, a natatorium, and many other treats await those who are lucky enough
to win the annual Aarchon Space Lottery. Over 100,000 Aarchon artists and employees
enter each year in an effort to win one of 2850 coveted, year-long positions aboard
the space station. Of course, space flight has its own down side such as loss of
cabin pressure, oxygen flow stoppages, waste disposal, lack of gravity, food shortages,
radiation, and others. Pictured below right, an Aarchon worker can easily adjust
the air supply to the entire space station using a joystick.
The Joy of Aarchon Records
Reaction to the latest Aarchon release is mixed.
Held during the same week as the famous Woodstock festival, Aarchon’s Delaware MusicFest
posed no threat.
Amenities for pampering artists include tattoo parlors (for getting, replacing, editing,
and removing tattoos of all types)
For some, the lack of gravity aboard the Aarchon space station is just the ticket
