The first album by Escherette (Random Seed) is an experiment in creativity and imposed
rules generated by “the randomness of the universe.” The band creates songs and musical
pieces where every decision is determined using random numbers. “We still choose
the basic set from which the random choice is drawn, but in some cases this set of
choices can number into the hundreds or thousands”, stated Mrvgqw Jdgwehj, the spokesman
for the group. Decisions include instruments, progressions, melodies, rhythms, vocal
patterns, lyrics, and many other choices. “We have computerized the random choice
process so that all random decisions are made up front. Then it is up to the band
members to make it work” Jdgwehj said. Even decisions about effects and alternate
mixes are left up to chance. When asked about how this type of art is received, Jdgwehj
replied, “You notice that we are on Zaarchon. That should tell you something.” Escherette
may be an acquired taste – but it’s a taste like . (Enter your own randomly-chosen
word here.)
Dirk Bell - Dirk Bell, The Human Duck
This Dirk Bell album is not so much about music as it is an audio “experience”. What
do the critics say? “Horrifying”, “Nightmarish”, “...evokes images of circus geeks
eating live animals or other dregs of society doing unimaginable things for a buck.”
Is there any level too low for Dirk? He states categorically, “Dirk Bell, the Human
Duck will never chicken out”. Dirk was born with long, webbed fingers and toes as
well as a protruding jaw structure and duck-like, stiff lips. Dirk can eat normally
or through a gaping hole under his chin. However, that is just the start. The sounds
and singing of Dirk as he performs ghastly acts of depravity make his physical appearance
seem normal by comparison. Edited only in order to squeeze all the available content
onto a standard CD, this audio is raw and uncompromising. Many of the tracks had
to be produced by Dirk going it alone in the studio since staff members refused to
be present during some of the more vile numbers. What is next for Dirk Bell? Video.
World’s Most Useless Sound Effects - Volume 1
It doesn’t take much imagination to compile a big set of sound effects these days,
but to create an full album of useless ones takes true talent – and its just the
type of challenge that Zaarchon artists Moe Rennert and Chloe Dillman found compelling.
The set comes packed with useless effects and includes: High-Pitched Whirring Sound
of Unknown Origin (Numbers 1 and 4), Sleeping Girlfriend (14 minutes worth), Lawn
Mower in Reverse, Computer Boot Up, Computer Shutdown, Dog vs. Toilet, Assorted Groans
(unsimulated), Muffled Policy Meeting From Next Door, The Sound Your Car Makes Just
Before It Stalls Out Going Uphill with a Guy Tailgating You, Candid Politician, Flag-Folding
Procedures (9 in all), Low-Attendance Hockey Game, Loose Speaker Wire, Accordion
Caught in a Fire Then Immersed in Water, Armadillo Running on Concrete, Kick Drum
Played at 60 BPM, Chewing Oatmeal, and many more. Note that in order to avoid unnecessary
duplication, silent effects can be found on Zaarchon’s The Sounds of Silence CD by
Marcus V. Rosenthal.
Not to be outdone by fellow Zaarchon artists Escherette, String Theory follows a
more proven path in that they use patterns in science and nature along with mathematics,
formulas, and computer algorithms to develop unique instrumental musical pieces.
Their new album 110 Mhz is a compelling mixture of electronic sounds, rigid patterns,
and highly cerebral artistry. The album includes old favorites such as Birds on a
Wire, Timing Sequence Number 9, Who Gets Off the Subway, Deck O Cards, and Roulette
Table. New tracks include Bolt Torque Specifications, Roadkill Placement, and Forensic
Spleen Weights in the City Morgue Over Four Days in October. The Roadkill Placement
number even caught the attention of Aarchon Records’ own Donald Gritt who plans to
do a cover of the song after adding appropriate lyrics. Unlike Escherette, String
Theory pieces provide the listener with a more recognizable and accessible structure
even though many listeners will still get entangled in the Eider Down (Track 6).
World Class Ventriloquism
Leave it to Zaarchon to go where others fear to tread. Producers at Zaarchon have
traveled the world over to find the greatest living ventriloquist acts and have brought
them all together here in one amazing compilation. Hear Pierre Chanson give life
to his dummy Croissant as he sings elements of The Marriage of Figaro with perfect
clarity whilst keeping his head completely submerged in a large tin of liquefied
pork fat. Otto Stueben performs his amazing feats of voice-throwing as audience members
are made to say the most outrageous, slanderous, and embarrassing things while inanimate
objects as far as a mile away begin reciting demonic verses from ancient texts. Then
there’s the salty humor of Capt. Nucker and Boner as Capt. Nucker keeps Boner talking
continuously all while the Captain holds a cue ball in his mouth. And what collection
would be complete without a lively discussion between Maisy Massey and her set of
four arguing puppets (one on each hand and one on each foot) – five voices talking
at once is more than any sane person can manage or believe.
Learn to appreciate actors and their craft in ways never before imagined as great
literary and theatrical works are performed by ordinary men/women chosen right off
the street. Hear the bard’s poetic verses read without emotion by the ungifted, uninterested,
and least talented among us. Some might think it extremely painful to hear such splendid
writing tortuously delivered by non-actors, but it is a tribute to the great writers
that their works can still peek through these veritable “shrouds of dung” as one
critic described them. And for the truly masochistic, the 140-CD set includes a monotonic
speed reading of Herman Melville’s Moby Dick by third-grader, Carol Betelgeuse. All
plays and novels are unabridged, unedited, and complete. These readings are completely
unrehearsed and include all gaffes, bloopers, and flubs mixed right in with the rest
of the performances. Note that every attempt has been made to ensure retention of
the “less than amateur” status of the participants.
Sid Lemmon Presents: LOSER
This project, developed by professional gambler Sid Lemmon, captures the sounds and
events that occur as individuals lose large sums of money in various games of chance
– sums which, in most cases, represent entire life savings. Be there when losers
agonize over their next move when they are down to their last dime. But, professional
as he is, Sid does not leave it there. After a person has run through his family’s
entire bank account, Sid steps up and offers the loser $200 to record the reaction
of family, friends, and/or significant other when the bad/sad news is delivered.
What loser could refuse $200 when staring deep into oblivion. Hear spouses lock and
load when the loser shows up – in some cases even without Sid’s $200 – with an entire
recording crew complete with a play-by-play narrator (Sid himself). And then, in
each case, the magic moment when the loser inevitably must say’ “...all of it.” It
is compelling, heartbreaking drama and it can be yours with Sid Lemmon’s LOSER. As
Sid himself puts it, “You can’t help but feel good about yourself after listening
to this CD.”
So your neighbor in the house next door has been partying till 4:00 am. Maybe they
just bought their son a new drum kit. Or maybe the couple in the next apartment is
doing the 120-decibel version of the Kama Sutra. The remedy is clear: Crime & Punishment’s
first album. C&P provide the most scorching, screeching, hammering sound in the history
of metal music. Ear-splitting, incisive drum tracks and take-no-prisoners distortion
guitar penetrate even the thickest walls while the bass is designed to register on
seismic detectors within a 20-mile radius. High-pitched, piercing, unintelligible
vocals run over the top of all the selections and none of C&P’s songs maintains a
recognizable structure. This means that a targeted person/family never knows what
to expect next. Let’s say you’ve picked up a hitchhiker who is now threatening you
with a revolver. Crank this baby up on your car’s player and, within seconds, watch
the perp vanish from your moving vehicle and become a mound of flesh in your rear-view
mirror.
So your neighbor got wise and bought his own C&P album as a countermeasure. With
both of you going at it at full volume, small animals begin evacuating, human sperm
counts start dropping, air traffic must be re-routed, and disintegration of the molecular
structure of the brain has your entire quadrant of the city hallucinating and bleeding
from the nose. It is time for C&P’s second album: Crime & Punishment II. When set
up properly, the auto-synchronizing tracks on this album have been scientifically
engineered to exactly cancel the effects of C&P’s first album. Therefore, while your
neighbor’s drywall begins cracking and flaking from Track 4’s mammoth fuzz-tone bagpipe
solo, you can sit peacefully in your protected environment savoring some old TV sitcom.
As a bonus, C&P has added an 11-minute track comprised of short irregular bursts
of a massive 25 Hz electronic tone. Although barely perceptible by the human ear,
this track is said to be responsible for destabilizing the earth’s crust in a number
of instances. Use with caution.
In today’s overprocessed, overproduced digital world it is refreshing to find artists
willing to bypass the electronics and focus on the rawest of the raw, natural, unprocessed,
audio-generating objects from nature. Building rhythms from raw food, plants, wooden
sticks, and other non-traditional items, Placentomato takes it one step further and
springs forth with some of the rawest, down-to-earth lyrics about the most basic
of human needs and desires. It is a fusion of nature with nature and bound up in
a package of naturalness that makes the whole greater than the sum of its parts.
Not for everyone, the band has built its fan base by catering to the need for “back
to nature” and providing a view of natural processes never before set to music. It
is a rare experience to hear the sounds produced during delivery of a new litter
of puppies set to rhythms of sandpaper on a screen door mixed with lyrics defining
the latest dance craze. If nothing else, Placentomato is always good for raising
controversy while finding melody where none existed before (or after).
Ride Ride Ride - Ride + 1
You might think that this group’s new CD would be packed with surf hits, party-time
tracks, and fast=paced instrumentals. You would be wrong. Ride Ride Ride is all about
the ride cymbal, the only percussion instrument used in any of its songs. Not to
say that the band doesn’t get the most out of its imposed genre since over forty
different types were used in producing Ride + 1, their first release in over six
years, and their first on an existing label. Each track consists of a ride cymbal,
acoustic bass, oddball lyrics, and one featured instrument played by a guest instrumentalist.
There is the occasional backing track for emphasizing mood. Ride + 1 offers a number
of selections that could possibly be interesting: Opus 12 for Flute and Ride provides
a modern classic sound with an orchestral backing track that allows the ride cymbal
to be the star, Crescendos ad infinitum for Guitar and Ride takes the listener back
and forth with swaying sounds sure to induce vertigo, and Pipe Organ Ride is sure
to please as the mixed choir rejoices during the final 8 minutes.
The Galaxy Beings - Rotary Fusion
As a testament to the loyalty that groups feel toward their Zaarchon home, the new
project by The Galaxy Beings was heading dangerously close to mainstream status when
band members decided to remix and re-record substantial portions of the more accessible
selections from the album. The result is Rotary Fusion, a spaced-out, electronic,
effects-laden experience that takes listeners on a ride to alien worlds with challenging
musical scales and lyrics delivered in an alien fantasy language. If life on alien
worlds has evolved in totally new and inconceivable ways, this might be their music.
As band leader Garry Newcombe overstates it, “This is why synthesizers were created
in the first place.” When asked why the group is so determined to keep its sound
out of the mainstream, band members unanimously reply, “Quorf!”. It’s almost as if
the members are only using Planet Earth as a way station for adventures spanning
the entire galaxy. Lucky for us at least, if they are aliens just passing through,
they stopped long enough to make a CD just like everyone else.
As if Zaarchon Records needed any more diversity, along comes Homunculus with their
debut album Fleshworm. Critics have already embraced the album as a new standard
for disturbing imagery and a tribute to the weird, spooky, and bizarre. One would
expect the musical backdrop for this genre to be dark, hard-hitting metal. But Homunculus
delivers its “year-round Halloween” sound without relying on traditional demonic
or hackneyed musical stylings. This is especially true of the vocal arrangements,
which have a seductive, angelic style that contrasts with the undercurrents of dark
spirits and fantasy themes. Fleshworm is a double CD that provides diversity in its
own right as some of the shorter selections offer nicely-packaged niche themes while
other, more complex pieces are like symphonies that take the listener on wild journeys
through worlds where the mind is merely food for evil faeries and trolls are sadistic
surgeons. One thing is for sure, Zaarchon and Homunculus is a match made in heaven
(or otherwise).
Kurt Kanuba - An Undefined World
Kurt Kanuba is an artist with a cultural heritage that can be traced back to the
dawn of mankind and even further: back to the primordial jelly that washed up on
the rocky beaches of a young planet. Kurt Kanuba is not really one person, but an
idea. An idea that all human cultures can be merged into a single heterogeneous sound
to produce an album of World Music that reflects the sounds and rhythms of numerous
cultures simultaneously. Group leader Brian O’Brien describes it this way, “The legendary
Wall of Sound has become a World of Sound.” One critic even refers to it as a virtual
Tsunami of Sound. The selection from the CD called Hong Kong Salsa features over
22 different percussion instruments along with a horn section, a sitar section, seven
bass layers, a rock band, a Celtic harp trio, new age chanting, wild animal sounds,
and a group of vocalists singing the multi-lingual lyrics in a classic “round” style.
Somehow they make it all work – the way tiny dots make up a complete picture as in
a newspaper photo. Is it easy to get lost in these tsunamis? Well, yes.
My Big Fat Heinous Wedding
In this era of smart phone cameras, surveillance video, and total loss of privacy,
wedding disasters are no longer just the private domain of the concerned individuals
– they are for everyone. And here they all are for your amusement. This CD compiles
the best of the best in catastrophic wedding mishaps from the humorous to the truly
tragic. Selections include: The Priest with Projectile Vomiting, Toxic Best Men,
Do Not Serve Beans at the Rehearsal Dinner, The Cake Rat, Where’s the Groom? Dead,
Sitting Ducks, Where Is Everybody?, Don’t Mention the Scar, Nude Weddings and Poison
Ivy Don’t Mix, Groom’s Dad Gives Tongue, and so many others. The lasting scars can
be imagined when you hear a Justice of the Peace arrested in mid-ceremony for flashing
undercover police. Or the hilarity of a bus full of wedding party delivered to a
religious self-immolation ceremony instead of the church. You can’t help but feel
the pain as you experience these events as they unfold, but, “Hey!” nobody is forcing
these people to get married. Or are they? See Track 16.
The new self-titled album by Zaarchon’s Onyx explores a world of rhythmical mechanical
and industrial sounds with a Metropolis-like science fiction ambience that is entertaining
as well as unique. Onyx offers a little more structure and accessibility than most
Zaarchon artists, but the avant garde and experimental qualities are still present.
Each track offers an essentially seamless end-start so that it can be repeated over
and over without detecting the transition from the end back to the start – a five-minute
selection can be played for eight straight hours, a full work day! For your enjoyment
there is Wall of Gears, an ambient grinding sound with a haunting (almost ghostly)
siren singing in a metallic voice-over that will give you the chills. Selections
also include Hammer Into Anvil, Daisy, On a Nuclear Day, Rust–Part 1, Rust–Part 2,
Rust–The Remix, and others. Members of Onyx believe that someday their sound will
be legitimate enough to advance from the depths of Zaarchon up to Aarchon. Until
then they will just keep grinding them out at the Big Z.
First there was Apple which begat Zapple. Then there was Aarchon. Now comes Zaarchon.
Aarchon Records already has an industry reputation for providing artists with unprecedented
amounts of creative freedom. But for those “over the top” cases there is now Zaarchon
Records, a subsidiary of Aarchon Records. Zaarchon is home to the most experimental,
avant garde, and challenging artists around. There is only one rule at Zaarchon:
Clean up after your dog. As there is no accounting for taste and as in all other
cases, Aarchon and Zaarchon Records accept no responsibility for the content produced
by these artists. For information about any artists or products on the Zaarchon label,
feel free to contact Zaarchon by e-mail:
Marcus V. Rosenthal - The Sounds of Silence
Many have tried and some have failed (which means that some have succeeded). But
until now no one has dared to put together an entire album of silence. This is the
most comprehensive compilation of this genre of audio ever conceived by the mind
of man. Marcus Rosenthal has gone to great lengths to assemble a diverse and entertaining
set of silent tracks for your enjoyment. Sit down with a pair of headphones and enjoy
these soon-to-be classics: The Muted Football Game, The Sounds of The Dead, Mimes
in Action, I Scream in Space, Antarctic Snowfall, Three Miles Deep in the Blue Pacific,
If These Walls Could Talk (But They Don’t), A Horse with No Voice, Tree Falling in
the Forest with No One Present, and many others. As a bonus, Marcus not only covers
John Cage’s silence piece, but also adds an eerie track where a heavy, haunting echo
is added to The Sounds of the Dead. Leaving no stone unturned, Dr. Rosenthal also
provides a third version: The Sounds of the Dead (Cremated Remains Remix).
